A long time coming!

My faithful audience, I do not know how to begin to apologize about my long hiatus from you all. I am sincerely sorry for not keeping you updated with my witty anecdotes and charming tales of my life here in Redneck Paradise. What is Redneck Paradise? I hoped you would ask, another word to add to your vernacular. Redneck Paradise: noun, a place where people are extremely overweight, insist on drinking 42 glasses of 1000 calorie sweet tea, then proceed to tip 4 dollars on their 60 dollar meal. It has been the place I have been slaving away at for the last month since I wrote to you all. I have been Longhorn Steakhouse's indentured servant for about a month now, and I am happy to say it is going well! I really enjoy it (most of the time) and have been getting up to 9 shifts a week!! Most weeks I work 6 days, at least 3 doubles a week. Now for the funny stuff, my work anecdotes. Things are never dull down around these parts when you work at a restaurant. Sundays are usually the most interesting days to work because we get a lot of mennonite people in to enjoy some nice electricity and cow after their church services. Most days I end up with a church brochure in my tip book, which is nice, I think i'm up to 17 different phamplets now, and am able to narrow down my decisions about where to attend church. However on this particular occasion a woman, complete with bonnet, pulled me aside and said she worried for my soul because I was wearing pants, and was I aware that they were evil….I explained to her they were my work uniform and I did not have a choice as politely as I could. She said she would pray for me and my soul… So there's that. Mostly what I get at tables it "Darlin' you're not from around here are you" … no what tipped you off? The fact that I had to clarify if you wanted sweet or unsweet tea? Or that I didn't say ya'll every five seconds? I am not sure. But I have forgotten most of my funny stories because work days have become a blur together.

To catch you up on my weight loss journey.. drum roll please……. 24 pounds down!!!!!! I have not been able to go nearly as much but still have managed to see the numbers creep down on the scale. I could not be more happy with my results and when I went back to JMU this past weekend I got so many compliments on how good I was looking. SCORE. Makes all those breathless minutes on the treadmill SO worth it.

My life has also been a little crazier because I have been seeing someone. Shocking I know, me settling down with life!! His name is Kris and I met him through my darling sister because they work together. We've been together about a month and I have high hopes that I will not self-distruct on this one for at least another few weeks.. Hopefully! We have plans to go to the Panthers vs. Patriots game in Charlotte in a few weeks and I am so excited to go to a pro football game! Don't support either team, but Uncle Mike you will be so happy to know I bought a Patriots shirt because I must support my Yankee heritage. I hope you all will meet him at some point he's a great guy and I am a lucky girl! Things are great with Bails as well, I have seen Wailey a whole lot less as she gets older. She ate cereal for the first time the other day and absolutely loved it. I am a proud auntie!! This is all for now because i am pooped after a long day of work but I promise I will keep things more frequent. Love to you all and can't wait to see you Christmas time!! Quote of the day or rather verse of the day:

Definitely words to live by in my opinion.

My best friend <3

High: Probably just that I am happier than I have been in a long time

Low: That it took me so long to blog!

Weather: Getting chillier around these parts!!

Weary Wednesday

Hello all, your neighborhood witty blogger here, filling up my Wednesday afternoon with entertaining self-deprecating jokes, and boring tales of my life down here in Greenville, NC. The last couple days I have come down with a cold, scratchy throat + headache. BLAH! I haven't had a sore throat since I got my tonsils out, so I am not a happy camper. I revert back to my 4 year old self when I am sick, whiny and cranky. I want my mommy. However, after a particularly long pity party yesterday morning I decided it was high time to get over it.

I haven't even been to the gym the last two days, horrifying I know. That is perhaps the most annoying part, I think I went a little too hard in the gym over the weekend and didn't eat properly, allowed myself to get worn down. But I will bounce back with great force! Yesterday morning started my first real day of training at work!!! I got there at 11, and finished up around 4, and learned A LOT! I think I am really going to enjoy it there, everyone seems very nice and helpful. By the end of the shift, I was picking it up pretty well, and I am eager to get my training done and begin work for real on Monday. Each training shift we get to pick an appetizer or dessert, and entree off the menu, whatever we want! We eat with our trainer and talk about what we learned during the day. My diet is not going to work well this week... I had parmesan chicken with mashed potatoes and fried asparagus. They fry everything down here I swear.

Today I woke up still sick and miserable. I made myself a big cup of tea and laid in bed until noon! Unheard of these days. I then got up and went to Harris Teeter to buy out the pharmacy in hopes that I will get my voice back by work at 4pm tonight! Day 2 of training, I have high hopes for myself. I am even more excited because tomorrow night my parents get here for the weekend! YAY!! My house won't be soo quiet and I will have people to converse with. So cue the marathon cleaning again today. I cleaned all weekend but figured since Jane "Mrs. Clean" Rigg was coming down, I should give it a second run through. After nearly asphyxiating myself with fumes of bleach to clean my shower, I needed to lie down. However everything is clean and hopefully up to snuff!! I'm going to take a short nap then head to work. Hope you are all having a great week :)

High: 1st day of work going really well

Low: Being sick

Weather: The same, chillier but still warm

Night before the new job!

Well, similar to Friday's post, nothing particularly exciting has happened to me over the weekend to report! Saturday I slept in until 10am then had a cup of coffee in bed... what a great way to start the day. I then hit the gym for most of the afternoon, had to get a good cardio session in for the weekend in case I felt like indulging in something bad for me. I did 13 miles on the bike, 4 miles on the treadmill, and 3 on the elliptical then worked my back and shoulder. As you can expect I was absolutely ravenous by the time this workout was over but I knew Lauren and I would probably do dinner of some sort so I sat staring at my phone waiting for her to wake up as I viciously ate my allotment of 6 almonds and 24 oz of water. In what felt like 42 years, she said she was up and we ordered dinner at Olive Garden. I went and picked up chicken parmesean for the three of us. I had half of my chicken parmesean dinner, some salad.. and dare I say a breadstick. I admit it, I ate a buttery, garlicky breadstick and enjoyed every calorie. I figure 20 miles of cardio more than makes up for it and I will feel no shame!!

After dinner I headed home to watch some tv and go to sleep, such an exciting life I lead. I was looking up pictures and thought also this was funny hehe.

I apologize if I offend any of my audience, just couldn't resist. Today I was extremely lazy, like set the new record for laziness but not leaving my bed except for food and the bathroom until 4:45pm....I kid you not my talent for laying in bed, watching Gilmore Girls is unparalleled. I finally got up and met Olivia at the gym for a nice Sunday evening workout. Much needed after my lazy day, my body was happy to get the blood flowing!!

Stomach getting flatter..thighs are still large, i cannot win that battle!!!

My new sneakers!!! I did about 45 minutes of cardio then a hardcore ab circuit that will ensure I will not be able to sit up tomorrow. Oh well! I got home around 7 to eat some dinner, I actually took a picture this evening, aren't you all so lucky! I had lite italian wedding soup, an orange, and 9 almonds.. delicious.

Lauren, Aaron and Bails came over and hung around while we facetimed the parents for awhile. They left and I sat down to watch Revenge after taking a shower. All my shows are coming back, and it's pathetic to say I am too excited. Gives me something to do at night!! Tomorrow is my first day at work!!!! Orientation starts at 2 and I hope you all will send good vibes my way that all goes well this week and I will start making money by next week!!! Which couldn't happen any sooner because I no longer have bread or eggs or the basic food groups. Need money and to go food shopping haha! I am more lazy then poor, but it will definitely be nice to have an income again! My last picture of the day is another new thing I am going to start each blog, a quote to end on! Miss you all and hope you guys have a great week!

High: Got such a good workout yesterday

Low: Weekends are always a bit lonely

Weather: Getting chillier but still very nice weather!!

Lazy Friday

Hello all! Fair warning, this blog post will be more boring than most. Nothing interesting has happened to me the last two days so it's more just my day to day life. Yesterday I woke up the usual time and hit the gym for a killer workout once again, really feel myself making progress and getting stronger!! Here's a picture of when Bailey was born and again last week. So much difference 10 pounds makes!

Keeps me motivated to keep going on my journey to being fit!! After my workout and delicious protein shake, it was high time for a nap! I have become an incredible napper, its really quite the talent.

Why Steve Carell, I couldn't have said it better myself. I woke up and did my test for school.. got an A of course, killing this online class! Nursing school here I come. After that I headed over to Lauren's to hang out with the Bails while she showered and got ready for work. My little snuggle buddy and I went for a walk of course, got a nice 3 laps in before she started calling the mothership, the sign that she is going to sleep. She is so much like me I love it! We talked to Mimi on the phone for awhile then I headed off to the gym for another cardio session. My trainers at the gym have been trying to get me to do zumba for quite some time now. Zumba, for those of you who do not know, is essentially fast moving dancing for a solid hour with choreographed steps to keep your heart rate up. Well, this girl teaches it, and I have always been intimidated because well, I have no rhythm. These African-American girls, to be PC, know how to shake it! I don't. It was downright sad. They high fived me at the end for even finishing.... A workout I will not be completing again, I will stick with the treadmill!!

After zumba I had a delicious dinner of 3oz of chicken and some green beans and almonds! Yum, I love eating healthy all the time... Anyways I watched Grey's Anatomy premiere till 11pm, way past my bedtime but it is my favorite show! Got up this morning and hit the gym where I felt like dying. Not an awesome workout, but I sweated buckets I'm pretty sure. I am not an attractive person when I workout.

That's why we wear black to the gym.. its a funeral for our fat!! Haha, got home from the gym and had a protein shake, I'm trying to hold out buying frozen fruit for my smoothies till my parents get here and go grocery shopping for me.. so the shakes are looking pretty skimpy these days... Thank goodness I found out I start training on Monday so I will be able to afford all the fruit I want soon!! The manager said they want me to be completely trained by the end of next week, so excited!!!! The rest of the day I am just hanging out, probably will go to the gym again later tonight, other than that just living the quiet life. Hope you all are having a great day and this blog wasn't a waste of 5 minutes of your life to read!! 

High: Finding out I start training monday!

Low: Being tired at my workout this morning

Weather: Chilly when I went to work out this morning!

Everything is falling into place

My huge audience, please forgive the lack of blog for the last week, as I have been busy making moves and getting everything into place! I shall begin last week about my journey to the great land of JMU! I arrived Thursday around 2:30pm to some very excited friends. I am not sure if they were excited I was there or because I brought 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies with me... either way it was so good to see them!! I relaxed with everyone before going out to dinner at our favorite mexican restaurant el charros for some tacos & margaritas! ay ay! You know you've found great friends when all the time apart doesn't change a single thing. We then bopped around to everyone's houses seeing people and enjoying the evening. Friday was day one of the "Days of the Slugs". What are the "Days of Slugs" you ask? Well, similar to cave mode, Days of Slugs: noun, [ daahz uf slooguz] are when a group of young people gather in one dark room, with many movies, junk food, and have no intention from moving from one spot for at least 10 hours at a time. We woke up early to begin Day 1, complete with breakfast and a plethora of movies to keep us entertained for the duration of the day. Fast forward to around 4pm, my friend Corrin called me and asked if I wanted to do a hot yoga class with her. Since I had been the definition of a slug all day, I said sure why not let's give it a try.... Fast forward 90 minutes of sitting in the Sahara desert with 1 water bottle and too much exercise, I am drenched. Like it looks like I took a shower with all my clothes on drenched. However, it was a neat experience, doing yoga in a room that was between 108-113 degrees for 90 minutes. Below is a picture of how I felt except substitute cupcakes for iHop breakfast, eek! My cheat weekend had just begun.

After hot yoga it was time to get ready for the big party of the evening. It was bid celebration for my favorite fraternity, lambda chi, and it was a mixer with my sorority so we all were excited to go. We got ready and all gathered to head over together. Fast forward to later that night I am making bad decisions by eating 2 pieces of pizza without a care in the world. Shaaaaameeee.

Saturday, cue Day of the Slugs, round 2. Except this time it was with Mcdonald's and a marathon of tv for the entire day. Like.. the whole day from 8am till 9pm. That is pure talent right there, it's hard to be in one position that long, but hey some people just have a gift. That was my first day not doing any type of exercise in over 2 weeks, oh well! We didn't really wanna go out on Saturday night, but my friends told me to stop being old and get it together. I did.. for about an hour then Alyssa and I went home to resume Day of the Slugs until we fell asleep in front of the tv. 

Sunday was my last day at JMU and I hung out with everyone there until around 2pm before heading home to my beloved house in Greenville. I have really grown to enjoy my little routine and missed my gym friends and actually feeling like a productive human being. BUT THEN. I got an email on my phone that Longhorn Steakhouse had an open server position and wanted to interview me... SCOREEEE. I planned on calling the next day feeling incredibly encouraged that I could possibly have a job in the next couple days. I got home in about 4 hours and 15 minutes and started some laundry, ate some food then went straight to bed. Monday I got home and planned on going to the gym at night because I wanted a good night sleep after my crazy weekend. I called Longhorn and they scheduled an interview for 3pm. D DAY! I wore a cute dress and did my hair and headed to my interview. THEY LOVED ME ! WOOO GOT THE JOBBBB!!!!!!! They offered it to me on the spot, and I start orientation this week, I AM SO EXCITED.

Lauren came over with Bails later that night to get some dinner to celebrate my new found job-ness. We hung out for a little and Bails was so good the whole time, let us eat our whole dinner just sitting in her seat playing with her feet! Ha I rhymed. She's such a cutie I missed her and my sister while I was away, happy to be back with them! Yesterday I woke up at my normal 6:25am time and hit the gym! Had a great workout, got all my school work done, then Lauren picked me up to run some errands around town. I bought stuff for my work uniform, dark blue jeans, black belt, and a black button down shirt. I am sure it was incredibly entertaining for those around Lauren and I to figure out what size in men's dress shirts I am to buy for work. Dumb and dumber status, but we figured it out! 15, 32-33 fits, whatever that means hahah. We ran a bunch more errands before Bails and I were ready to just chill so we went back to my house to watch tv and let Bails take a snooze. We got some dinner then I promptly got in bed for the night. It's been an exciting few days!!

Missed this nugget!! Today I hit the gym like usual this morning and now just cleaning the house a bit waiting for the call about when I start orientation. Hope you all have had a great week!!

High: GETTING A JOB!!!

Low: nothing can bring down the high of getting a job

Weather: Finally cooled off, its been beautiful

One Month Check In

This is going to be a short post, because I am packing for JMU this weekend wooo! Just wanted to update you all on my weight loss progress and show you some photos from today and exactly 1 month ago. I am proud of how far I have come and can't wait to see how far I can go!! 12 pounds down, many more to go. But I have to say I am happier and healthier than I have ever been and I can conquer the world! Well, maybe not the world, but at least Greenville!!

First off is a pic of Bails and I today because she was just too cute not to share..

and what you all have been waiting for!!!! This is my front, 1 month ago and today!!!

and this is my back, 1 month ago and today!!

I am so proud!! Couldn't do it with all of you guys support, love to you all!

High: Seeing this picture and making my hard work count!

Low: Nothing!

Weather: Absolutely gorgeous again high 70's

Jen ≠ a mom

As I write this blog post, I am sitting in my bed in my pj's at 3 in the afternoon. Why, you ask? Because my precious little baby niece decided last night was going to turn into the exorcist for the majority of last night. Never in my life have I met someone with the stamina and lungs to continue at that decibel for as long as she did. I applaud you, Bailey Rane, you may have set new Guinness World Records last night. Now that I have set the tone for what my night was last night I shall start at the beginning. 

I should have known from the start when I took this picture on our nightly walk that this was not going to be a normal night. As you see in the picture above, Bailey is already starting her transformation into Wailey, her evil twin. Now normally, Wailey, does not make an appearance until around 7pm each night, but since Auntie J was babysitting for the night, Wailey made an exception. We made it 4 times around the neighborhood before I was incredibly hot, and Wailey was cranky. I went inside and put her in the swing to take a breather and calm herself down. She morphed into Bailey instantly and went to sleep. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down and did some school work. My happiness was shortlived. About 20 minutes later, 6:45pm EST, Wailey appeared and was there to stay. From 6:45pm EST, until approximately 9:21pm EST the events could be rated R because of frightening noises and migrane inducing screams. 

The images below are dramatizations of what occurred on Monday September 16, 2013. Real photos were not taken for everyone's safety.

Wailey sang me the song of her people for 3 hours before Auntie J gave up and put her in the crib and hoped for the best. Miraculously the beast fell asleep and my blood pressure fell 50 points simulataneously. Though she did not eat before bed so I assumed that she would be up in the next couple hours to eat. I was wrong, she did not rise again until 1:45am EST. I warmed her bottle and slowly approached, letting her know my prescence was there hoping not to upset Wailey. I was not successful. She cried until I figured out she did not want the rewarmed bottle from earlier but a fresh bottle. I warmed another and she chugged it down like a champion. Then went right back to record breaking screams that would make anyone's ears bleed. But I was determined to get her back to sleep, so I plopped that little angel on her stomach and sternly told her it was time to go back to sleep, and she listened! WOO PROGRESS FOR ALL MANKIND. I finally fell asleep and awoke with a start at 5am when she stirred again. I don't think I've ever fallen asleep that hard in my life. I played the same game I did at 2am, and put her right back to sleep. Proud of myself that I got a baby back to sleep, I hit the hay again. Lauren woke me up at 7:30 as I my bleary red eyes shot up because I feared I hadn't woken up for Bails. Red eyes because oh yea Jen forgot to take an allergy pill and slept with the cats. It was that kinda night. I sat around and chatted and right before I left, the baby woke up, BAILEY NOT WAILEY was all smiles for my dear sister. She is going to be a trouble maker when she's older because one of those cute smiles and my night of no sleep was soon forgotten. She is just TOO cute. I hit the road and got a good workout in before falling asleep for a few hours. I woke up around 2 and cleaned the house a little and now I am relaxing before getting a second gym session in tonight. I hope that you all have enjoyed this chapter of the Adventures of Auntie J and Bails and until next time, bye bye!

High: Bails finally falling asleep

Low: Bails waking up lol!

Weather: gorgeous, low 60's when I woke up this morning, gotta love fall weather!